Coaching: Three lessons I learned that helped me become a better leader

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When I first moved into leadership about three years ago it was a turbulent time. My director was leaving, a new one would not start for a while, I had no idea what I was doing, onboarding was very high level and like probably many others in this situation was not about to give myself permission to actually slow down and learn my new craft. I needed to be able to do everything, right now, and perfectly.

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If you think that sounds like a meltdown waiting to happen you would be right. Between my own expectations that I was not ever going to reach, the lack of clear guidance and the imposter syndrome which was hitting me very hard I was regretting everything!

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As the title suggests, coaching was what helped me overcome these challenges and made me the leader I am today. Let me share with you the three key lessons that help me get excited about challenges.

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Focussing on the problem won't get you where you want to go!

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In sales training they teach you the three whys. The more often you ask why the deeper you get to the root of the issue and discover the pain that you and your product can then solve. For sales this is great, for life and positive progress, not so much. Digging into the past in my case left me feeling defeated, I had no help, I did not have the skills, I thought I could do more than I was now able to do.

By not focussing on the root cause of the problem but instead focussing on the solution and desired outcome helps you understand the steps you need to take to get there. In PreSales I used to ask my prospects the magic wand question in every discovery call I did and the same works for your problem. If I had a magic wand, what would be the perfect outcome to this situation? How can this challenge be an opportunity, how can I learn from this, how can I collaborate with others, how do I want to feel by the end of this?

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Once you realize what you want and why you want it, the way to a positive outcome becomes clear. I wanted to be the manager who’s team was happy, who could go on holidays for two weeks and things would “just work” because the team took ownership and was independent, someone who’s peers relied on for support and friendly conversation, someone who people wanted to champion.

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Knowing what I wanted rather than why I was feeling held back showed me what I needed to do, who I needed to ask for help and to best support my team.

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Don’t assume, give people time to prove themselves, one way or another!

Very early on in my management career I had someone on my team who was not performing as they should. They had not done so for a while and as an individual contributor I had already mentored them. So when I took over the team I thought “I have to jump to action!”. I put a lot of pressure on them and also on myself. I would be reluctant to give them responsibility and would micro manage them.

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What my coach taught me was to give people space to succeed or fail. That slowing down and letting them prove themselves first was not failing at managing the situation but in fact managing it. She taught me to put myself in their shoes, to be aware of my own image. As one of the most tenured SEs at the time I could do their job and I expected my team to do it like I had done it.

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That is not fair, everyone is different, everyone has their own style and through coaching I learned to let people find their own style. To offer suggestions, offer support and challenge them. Now “My way is not the only or right way, it’s just a way of doing it” is a standard phrase my team hears a lot.

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You think you have never done this? Think again! You probably have!

Over the last three years there were so many new things I had to do. I rolled out a brand new role across EMEA and APAC, was part of establishing a process for this role, learned how to create KPIs, helped people get promoted, managed poor performance, and much more. Had I done any of those things before? Not really. Did I feel like I knew what I was doing as I was doing it? Kind of!

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If you look at your past you will most of the time find similar situations that you have mastered before or know someone who did something similar who can help you. I had never built a team from scratch before but I had done things that were new, I had mentored new hires before, I had managed projects before and really, what is building a team if it’s not a big project filled with new people? If you think about it like that it's less daunting and scary and a lot more doable.

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And now what?

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Three years in and I am still regularly reaching out to my coach to help me think through situations. Not only that, having had this experience and all the AHA moments during my sessions which helped me manage the constant change and constant curve balls that come with being in a scale up company inspired me to go down this path myself and start my training to become a coach myself.

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The power of coaching is not to tell you what to do but to help you realise the potential you have within yourself, unlocking the knowledge you already have and see the support and help that is everywhere around you. Be kind, let yourself learn, keep your eye on your desired future, do not jump to conclusions and remember sometimes going fast means slowing down!

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About the Author:

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Gianna Balster is a Senior Manager Solution Engineering at HubSpot. She's a PreSales leader with 9+ years of experience in the SaaS industry.

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